you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
