I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
