I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
