I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Randomize
