I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
