Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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