Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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