He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
