You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
