When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
