The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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