That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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