I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
