i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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