Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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