You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
