I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
