90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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