my room smells like sperm. sweet.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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