So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
