Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
