i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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