I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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