he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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