You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
