You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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