i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
