Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
