Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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