So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
