I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Randomize
