apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
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