It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
