Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
