you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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