once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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