Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
