so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
