Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
