I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
