Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
