Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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