i don't plan on having that self control this summer
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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