Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
