I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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