This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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