im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
