i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
