Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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