My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
