So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
