Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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